It has been a while since my last post for many reasons, One-I'm swamped with school work, class, and work. Two-Nothing exciting was happening. Three-I forgot! But tonight I have something to post.
I have been accepted to Emporia State and I will be attending in the Fall. I tried it out at KU but I have not enjoyed it enough to continue attending. I am quite aware that this is because of my lack of desire to push myself and I am being lazy. I am sure if I pushed myself I'd be okay but I don't want to push myself. I have decided life is too short to not do what you want to do and to make yourself unhappy. I am alright at KU but I prefer to be home and closer to my family so I am transfering. I was accepted as an undergrad majoring in Sociology with a focus on Crime and Delinqent Studies....I have no idea if this is what I actually want to do or not.
Tonight I was driving back to Lawrence after a great weekend with my family and I was happy. I know there are times when I complain or whine about things going on in my life but it is half-hearted. I really am happy and I am very thankful for everything I have. I know that every decision-large or small-has lead me to the point I am at this very second. I am learning what I need to let go and what I need to pick through in order to get past it and to grow to my fullest potential. This of course would not be possible without the fantastic people in my life. I am so blessed to have so many who care. It hit me this weekend that while I obsess over the shitty people who I have encountered in the past I have amazing people who should have my attention...and that My People far out number the Shitty People so I'm going to attempt at a new outlook. I'm going to call it....
My People, My Life, My World
This is will use from now on when I feel out of control! I will remember that it is in my control and what I do is my choice-noone elses!
Alrighty...I accidentally wrote out this huge thing...you don't have to read it all..or any of it. lol It is basically depicting my encounter with Harry Potter.
“It Is Our Choices, Harry, That Show What We Truly Are, Far More Than Our Abilities”
While there are many things which Harry Potter is made up of one thing is prevalent and emerges with such grace and beauty that we as readers are filled with immense happiness and pride. We are able to sit down and read this story and see the world in a better light than what we had seen before. This story embodies the idea of being selfless, loyal, and brave. It showcases what it means to really care for others and do whatever is necessary to insure that the ones you love are safe and cared for. It shows what values a family has and what can make up a family. Harry Potter is able to show what it means to be part of a bigger plan and picture. One can read these books and know that “it is our choices…that show what we truly are, far more that our abilities” and have us believe it. Harry Potter is an amazing story which will forever live in the hearts and minds of those who were able to be a part of “Pottermania” and grow up anticipating the release of the next book. Those who would preorder the books months in advance and go stand in lines at book stores for hours so they could be the firsts to get their hands on the book. A group of people who would sit down and read a book all the way through in one sitting-not taking time to sleep and reading while eating and get through the book and cry. A group of people who formed such connections and bonds with characters that when they died, were hurt, or in peril they cried just as if a family member or friend were in the same circumstance. These books inspired more than just a story to read; they inspired everlasting friendships, a way to understand each other, a way to understanding who we are and what we are capable of, and a way to cope with the world. Harry Potter did a lot for my generation and I am proud to call myself a “Pott-head” and a Harry Potter fanatic.
I began reading Harry Potter in the first-grade which was back in 1998. The first book was read to my first grade class in Library for the first part of my first-grade year. I don’t remember much about that time except for the immense desire to go to Library and not want to leave when it was time to go. I was entranced by the magic that book had and wanted more. I loved it! Everything about the book caught my attention and brought me immense joy. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (Philosophers Stone) was first published in the United States on September 1st 1998 and was slow to gain status but my librarian at the time had read it and thought it was a fun read for students. She read us the entire book that year and I remember going up to her and asking to check the book out the second she was finished reading it to us. I wanted to read it for myself and be able to read as much or as little as I wanted on my own in one sitting. She told me the book was too difficult for me and to try something else. I was adamant about it and she eventually gave in and I was able to check it out. I don’t remember much about my first time reading the book on my own but I do remember that when I finished I could not wait for the second one.
“In dreams, we enter a world that's entirely our own.” ~Steven Kloves (screenplay), Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, 2004, spoken by the character Albus Dumbledore
The second novel, Chamber of Secrets, came out the following summer, summer of ’99 and it too was read to my second grade class that summer and that fall. I again was ready to dive into the book like it was a swimming pool. Never had I read a book that held my attention like these nor kept me wanting more. I have always loved reading and at that time was reading every book my teachers would give to me. I found that reading gave me a place to go outside of my world and I was able to pretend to be someone else for a short time and all my problems would simply fade away. Up until second-grade and the reading of the Chamber of Secrets, I had never found a book that was able to completely take me out of my shoes and let me relax for a while. In a way Harry was an answer to my unsaid prayers and I believe he saved me from becoming insane. From then on I was hooked and I read and reread the books many times. I waiting very impatiently for the new books to come out and for me they could not come fast enough. Eventually if a book came out every day that would not have been quick enough or good enough for me. I was able to sit down and read the first three novels in one sitting and want to move on to the next one. I found I had to pace myself to keep from going crazy with anticipation for the next novel.
“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” ~J.K. Rowling, "King's Cross," Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, 2007, spoken by the character Albus Dumbledore
When I read the third novel, Prisoner of Azkaban, I was immediately taken with the different style it was written in. The story did not focus solely on Voldemort and the atrocities he had committed and J.K Rowling made the story more about Harry. This was very pleasing for me because I associated a lot with Harry and it felt like Jo was writing about me. At the end when I found that Sirius was Harry’s godfather and that he loved Harry I felt as if I had found a father who loved me. It was odd to sit and read about an event that I desperately wanted to happen for me. It was an event I had imagined for myself on many occasions and when I had read what Jo had written I felt as if she was writing for me. After reading this novel it immediately became my favorite and I reread it over and over again. Some could say that I had forgotten about the other books and that was the only one I cared about. I’m sure if anyone was paying any attention to what I was doing they could say that book was attached to me for a long time.
“If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.” ~J.K. Rowling, "Padfoot Returns," Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, 2000, spoken by the character Sirius Black
It was about a year jump from the release of Azkaban to the release of Goblet of Fire. Azkaban was released on September 1st 1999 and Goblet of Fire (GoF) was released on July 8th of 2000. By this point I was able to read the books without any difficulty and I was able to obtain a copy of each of the published books. For me GoF was a “mother” book-which basically meant it was huge! I had never read a book that long and at 636 pages I was not sure if I was going to be able to read it all. I was however able to read the book in a decent time span (a week I think) and it was the first time I cried in the series. I had come close to crying in Azkaban when Sirius leaves Harry and he has to go back to the Dursley’s but nothing could amount to the grief I felt when Cedric dies in the Graveyard. I could not believe that he had been killed and that Voldemort had returned. I was initially very upset about the whole thing. I was upset with Jo for writing it that way and for killing someone else in Harry’s life. I was upset that even with all of Harry’s attempts he still could not stop Voldemort from returning and above all else I was upset that she left things so unresolved. I was furious that I had no idea what was going to happen and what was going to be done to stop Voldemort. Needless to say I, even at age 9, was very solid on my feelings for Harry and at that point I believe I became a true “Pott-head”.
“It is a curious thing, Harry, but perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it. Those who, like you, have leadership thrust upon them, and take up the mantle because they must, and find to their own surprise that they wear it well.” ~J.K. Rowling, "King's Cross," Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, 2007, spoken by the character Albus Dumbledore
Now when the fifth novel, Order of the Phoenix, came out (June 21st, 2003) I had somewhat forgotten about my fascination with Harry. It had been three years since the publication of the last one and my favorite protagonist had slowly made his way to the back of my mind. I still read the books sometimes but mostly I had moved on to other novels and was more focused on “real” life. It was not until Christmas of 2003 after I had moved to Kansas that I read the fifth novel. I had found the book by accident in the school’s library and remembered how much I had loved the previous books. I checked it out and read it over the holiday. Needless to say I read the book and many things happened; one of which was I could not remember some of the details from the previous books, so I had to reread them again. And secondly and most importantly this book fixed my fascination with the series and my obsession was never the same again. Order of the Phoenix (OotP) was the longest book written in the series-rolling in at 766 pages it held many surprises for all “Pott-heads”. This book was written in a darker style and every character had been presented with character traits we fans had not seen in them before. Above all else this book held the most depressing scene for me. At the end when Sirius dies I was overcome with more sadness than I had ever before in my life. It was as if my own godfather had passed into that dark black void beyond the archway. I had to set the book down and simply cry and scream for 45 minutes before I could pick it back up and read the rest. I was not even able to read that scene again for a long time. I would read the book and immediately skip over that part because it hurt so much to read it. I still, even at 18 almost 19 years old, have trouble reading that section. I feel as if a part of me is being torn away.
“It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more.” ~J.K. Rowling, "The Cave," Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, 2005, spoken by the character Albus Dumbledore
Now most people who will read this will not have the same connection and obsession with the books as I do and will find the fact that I cry and am hurt by occurrences in these books to be utterly ridiculous but believe me-it’s not. For most of us who love these books the characters became very real to us and we developed friendships with the characters. They were our best friends and loyal companions and we knew we could trust in them to always be there and not change and when one of them was suddenly ripped from us we were caught off guard and were seriously hurt by it. Every time one of the major characters died I cried and hurt and was upset by it for a long time. Sometimes I still am distraught by some of the things that happened in the series and I have read them all over 15 times each. I know the story forward and backward and can write out everyone’s family tree but I still am upset by it all. I even have feelings of absolute loathing for other characters. For example every time I see or hear the name Bellatrix Lestrange I just want to tear her head off. I hate her for the disservice she does to Harry and how she murders Sirius and gloats about it. How she holds Sirius’s death over Harry like a looming full moon and how she adores the dark lord. Oh if there was one character I would love to be real it would be her so I could to take my frustrations out on her and give her a taste of her own medicine. Again you may feel I am insane but believe me this-I am saner because of these feelings than I would be without them.
“Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.” ~J.K. Rowling, "The Parting of the Ways," Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, 2000, spoken by the character Albus Dumbledore
Now after the release of the fifth novel I became a huge Harry Potter fanatic. There never was enough about it to go around. At this point the first two books, Sorcerer’s Stone and Chamber of Secrets, had been made into movies. I bought these movies and every time I needed a quick Harry Potter fix I watched them. I did not enjoy them nearly as much as the books but they were at least Harry Potter. I had mixed feelings about them. Firstly I was glad to have a way to quickly and efficiently get my fix and be able to move on and more importantly to have a way to share my Harry Potter fixation with others. I found that while many people would not read the books they were willing to watch the movies so I was able to find some social aspects of it and be able to use that. But I also felt they were robing me of my image of the books. The way I had envisioned Harry, Ron, Hermione, Sirius, Fawkes, Hogwarts, and Butterbeer all seemed to be taken away and now the only right way to see them was the way Warner Bros had produced them. It was sad to see my visions slowly die away as they were replaced with the not-so-great depictions of Hollywood. But I soon learned that Harry Potter-The books and Harry Potter-The movies were their own exclusive kinds of Harry and I could enjoy both of them at the same time. It also gave me a chance to enjoy Midnight releases which I had not been able to do with the books.
“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” ~Steven Kloves (screenplay), Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, 2004, spoken by the character Albus Dumbledore
July 16, 2005 marked the release of the sixth novel, Half-Blood Prince, and this was the first I had pre-ordered. I pre-ordered this book about 6 months in advance and was overly excited about its release. It was mailed to me the day it came out and I sat down and read that 607 page book in roughly 9 hours. It was the fastest I had ever read a HP novel and it was the fastest I would ever read one-for the first time. This book left me in higher spirits than OotP and it left me extremely hungry for me but it also held within its pages the second saddest event for me. Dumbledore’s death. Anyone who had read the series and knew anything at all knew it was coming but it happened so suddenly that I was surprised and engulfed with grief. I again had to cry for a while before I was able to dive back into the story and finish the book. I was shaken by the fact that just about everyone Harry held close as a father figure was dead and I wondered how could he ever be able to carry on and do what had to be done to vanquish the dark lord. I held strong hoping that Lupin, Harry’s last father figure, would not die and would be there to help Harry in the end and be able to be the father he never had.
“It was, he thought, the difference between being dragged into the arena to face a battle to the death and walking into the arena with your head held high. Some people, perhaps, would say that there was little to choose between the two ways, but Dumbledore knew - and so do I, thought Harry, with a rush of fierce pride, and so did my parents - that there was all the difference in the world”. ~J.K. Rowling, "Horcruxes," Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, 2005
Finally time came for the release of the publication date for the seventh and final Harry Potter book. It was a bitter sweet moment for me the day I read the date. I was eager to find out what happens and how Voldemort would be finally killed and how all of my fictional friends would deal with the onslaught of hundreds of death eaters and how they would overcome with such great odds piling up in front of them. I wanted to know how it all ended and to know who ended up being okay and who eventually died. I wanted to know if my predictions were true and I wanted to know what Jo’s master plan had been for all of those years. It had been known to the public for some time that Jo had written the final chapter of book 7 before she had written any of the books. She knew where it was headed and had planned it all from the start. She was very good at keeping it from the rest of us and it nearly pained us all to know that she knew the end and we did not. So in a way I could not wait for the release of The Deathly Hallows but in another way I was saddened. It meant the end of a great adventure that had taken me from my darkest days and brought me light. It meant no more exciting first times at reading the books. It meant no more surprises and that the age of Harry Potter was coming to a close. It was sad to think that all of the excitement that went with the books was about over.
“It's a strange thing, but when you are dreading something, and would give anything to slow down time, it has a disobliging habit of speeding up.” ~J.K. Rowling, "The Hungarian Horntail," Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, 2000
The day the seventh book came out was July 21, 2007. I had again pre-ordered the book and it came in the mail. As soon as I got the book in my hands I ran away from all people and sat down with the book. It was a big moment for me and I just stared at the cover and looked at it in awe. It was the last first time and I wanted to remember what it felt like to sit with the book in my hands before I knew what happened. It was a good feeling and I think I will always remember what I felt holding that book. I read that book about as quickly as I could muster and at the end I again cried. I cried not because I was sad but because it had ended in the only way it could have and I had closure that I thought I would not have. I was happy with the way it had ended and I was delighted that Harry was not alone. Lupin did in fact die but not before he was able to name Harry the godfather of his son Teddy and that filled me with total happiness to know that Harry would be able to provide comfort to the son of a man who had provided him with the same comfort. It was like the circle of life had begun again. Families were formed and friendships were shown to have lasted the test of time, evil, and hurt. It was everything that I had wanted for my beloved friends so I closed the book at ease and cried silently.
“You place too much importance... on the so-called purity of blood! You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be!” ~J.K. Rowling, "The Parting of the Ways," Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, 2000, spoken by the character Albus Dumbledore
I had grown up with Harry Potter at my side. The first book was read to me as a 6 year old in first-grade and the final book I read as a sophomore in High School. It was a journey that had taken the characters 7 books to do and me nearly 9 years to follow along with. In those near 9 years I was able to find solace and comfort in the books with characters that I identified with and with a story that gave me a chance to escape the realities of life. The novels showed me love, friendship, self-sacrifice, honor, courage, rebirth, loyalty, family, hope, happiness, joy and sadness. They gave me things which I will never forget and will always have.
In the end of it all I found that living inside books was not something that I had to do. While I loved the books and while they had helped me through so much I knew that what I needed to do was take the lessons I had learned from the books and apply them to my life. I don’t know if I ever would have gotten to the point I am now without the help from these books and the lessons within so I thank J.K. Rowling for creating such a fantastic piece of work which was able to hole me together in the darkness and keep me from losing myself.
“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that.” ~J.K. Rowling, "The Mirror of Erised," Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, 1997, spoken by the character Albus Dumbledore
Today was the third day of the blood donation week here at KU. I-up until today-had only donated with the American Red Cross but today that was not an option up at the Union and I was not going to run all the way to Daisey Hill in order to donate with the Red Cross so I opted for the Community Blood Center. It was a good experience for many reasons. First because I simply enjoy the act of donating blood. I feel like when I take an hour out of my day and spend it giving something that will save someone's life I am doing something worth while. Something worth mentioning and that makes a difference even if I can not see the difference that it makes. Secondly, it was a good experience because I was able to see how another group takes blood. I think they do it in a more confusing manner and things can get messed much easier because all of the paper work is done by hand. The Red Cross does everything on the computer.
Anyway, I want to advocate for donating blood. I know that a lot of people do it and get a satisfaction out of it like I do but many people hear horror stories about it and because of these stories do not donate.... Donation is simple and there are WAY more positive experiences that negative. The first time I donated I waited for something like 5 hours to do it. I was 16 and in High School and the school was having its annual drive. That time I waited all that time and then ended up with my arm being covered in bruises from wrist to shoulder for weeks....BUT I know that 3 people we able to use my blood to save their lives! What are a few bruises when I know 3 people are alive because I took that time to donate? Since then I have donated like 21 or 22 times. Most times I end up with a decent bruise but that is about it. I don't have negative side effects from it. So if I have donated 22 times that means I have saved 66 people's lives! 66!!! That is huge! That also means that it has taken me less that 24 hours ( about 22 since it take about an hour each time to donate) to save all of those people! How wonderful is that?!
So I say-GO DONATE! It really is not that difficult and you can save so many people by doing it.
Did you know?!
Among Red Cross donors
In a given year, 18% donate occasionally, 38% are first time donors, and 43% are repeat and loyal donors.
Only 38% of U.S. Americans can donate blood.
Of the 38% who can donate only 22% do donate.
And of that 22% only 13% repeatedly donate.
Soooo! If you can-Go donate! Go do it! 13% of Americans are keeping the blood banks in operation!
It has been quite a long time since the last time I wrote! I just got very busy! I have been working on homework and various homework projects. Now that it is getting very close to spring break and it is getting warmer outside I have little motivation to do anything school related. All I want to do is walk around Campus enjoying the sun and envisioning what Spring Break has in store for me and making plans for the summer! Woot! Summer! Its right around the Corner! We are 3 months till the end of the Semester! (11 weeks!) How freaking awesome is that?! My birthday is in a little over 9 weeks! Ah!
Movie night: Jodie's birthday...I think her 17th.
As it gets closer to Warm Weather and Swimming and dark skin and Tropical Sno my attention span for school work gets smaller and smaller. I think today while I was writing a paper on "ways of seeing" I started to write about nostalgic times of past summers like trips to Melvern, Movie nights, late night walks around campus, bonfires, tennis, pool parties, and Live in the Lot!!! So much fun! This summer is going to be epic!!! I can not wait! Not to mention this is the last summer of my friend Carrie Hurlocker's life that she will not be married! Next summer, June 2nd 2012, she will be getting married to Aaron Crumb! ah!! This summer has alot in store for me and my friends and I CAN NOT WAIT!! WOOT WOOT! LOL
Ah! The beauty of a spring Day! Today the world has been bathed in warm sunlight! The birds have been out and everyone is in high spirits! I love Spring! Nothing out of the ordinary happened today but I am in such a good mood I'm not sure anything can bring it down. I took the most energizing nap today while laying outside Watson Library underneath a huge tree and with the warm sun bathing my skin in some much needed Vitamin D. I wore shorts and flip flops today! What a wonderful day!
It is only appropriate that today's post be about Valentines Day because today is Valentines Day. Every February 14th millions of red roses are bought and thousands of pounds of chocolate is bought to be given to wives, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends, friends, and family.
I still think that it is a money making scheme but it does hold some value. It does make us take time to pause and think about those we love and take some time to say 'I love you'. This is my second most special Valentines Day. The first would be back in 2008 when my first boyfriend Joel asked me out. I thought it was cute and rather special that he asked me that day. So that takes the cake for best but today is a close second. While I have been asked out once on Valentines Day I have never (until today) received a Valentine. I expected to day to be like every other one...Valentine-less. I was proven wrong this afternoon.
My Grandmother had just texted me asking me if I had received any Valentines today and I was in the process of texting her back "no-I have no one who would send me one". Just as I was getting ready to send the text Hillary (a girl staying in Watkins with me) knocked on my door and told me that I had some flowers. I told her that she must have the wrong Jessie because no one would send me flowers....she then said that they had to be for me because there was only one Jessie Olsen-Stice living in this house. So I took the flowers and set them down smiling....I read the card. They were from my Grammy and Grampy.
I was delighted to have gotten something! So this is a thank you to my Grammy and Grampy for giving me my first Valentine! I love you both so very much! You have no idea what these beautiful flowers mean to me.
Happy Valentines Day to my Friends and of course my Family. I love you all so much!!!!
Today is day number 5 of being sick with the flu and it does not seem I am getting better. I am so tired, worn out, and sore. I had hoped that the medicine would just take care of the problem and I could go about my days as normal but that has not happened. I don't feel like the medicine had done any good. The doctor says that it really should start taking effect really soon and if it doesn't to come back in and he'll prescribe something else. I hope it just starts working. I need to get back into the flow of working and class and homework without running to the bath room every ten minutes. Lets all keep our fingers crossed!
I had felt that this semester would take so much longer than the fall semester because we have fewer breaks and I am so impatient for summer to arrive but I feel that this semester is not as bad as last. Spring break is in only 5 weeks! I have alot going on this semester which I think is helping with my feeling it will go fast. I have either class or work from 9:00 a.m. until 4:00 p.m. every day except for Friday. I have work at least 4 days a week and more when there is a show going on (I would be working right now if not for this flu!). I have plans for most of the weekends from here until the end of the semester. Some are boring like work but others are fun like this up coming weekend where my friends Kate and Carrie and I are going shopping for Carrie's wedding! I think we are trying on bridesmaid's dresses and Carrie's dress and picking which ones we like best. I am really looking forward to it! The wedding is not until June of next year but I am still very excited. I wish it was sooner! I've never been in a wedding before much less a bridesmaid! So excited. My birthday I just calculated is in 12 weeks from tomorrow! Insane! It feels like i just turned 18....now I'm going to be 19! I know that 19 is not a magical number or anything but it is another year older and it is a big deal for me.
Anyway...those are my ramblings for tonight. :)
The Picture for today is of my Tattoo. I thought that I would post it because I really like it and am very proud of it. And there is not a picture of it on here yet. It is of a Phoenix with Ohana written above. Ohana means family is Hawaiian. I'll go into detail about my tattoo and what it means another day but here is what it looks like.
I have been sick these past few days and I have been really out of it. I am not much better today but I managed to get in 3 naps, a load of drugs, and a few nice long talks with a few friends. I can not say today was very productive on the homework front though. I have not had the energy to focus on anything except getting better. It really blows to have the flu. I only remember one other time that I had it and I was something like 5 or 6 and really the only thing I remember from that is being really cold the whole time. Absolutely terrible.
Why is it when you are sick everything tastes and smells funny. I really wanted cheddar broccoli soup and i made it but it smelt odd and when I tasted it I was immediately put off. Not fun. So sadly I did not eat my soup.
Here is a crafty picture of my Medicine
Anyway I have little else to say except for I'm going to watch a movie and go to sleep!
Someone today asked me who do I aspire to be...It seems that this question has been popping up a lot. I'm not sure if it is so common because I'm in college and need to figure out what I am going to do with my life or if I am just more aware that the question is being asked. It was asked on several questioneirs and in person by various people ranging from professors to other students. The person who asked today was a TA for my Logic class. He went around asking everyone in class and wrote it down and then used it to show us how "logically" we think. But I thought that because this question is popping up so often I would write about it today.
I aspire to be/look up to my Mom. Those of you who know me or who have read my blog may be able to deduce that I really look up to her. I am not sure if she knows how much I look up to her but I do quite a bit. I don't want to be just like her-because she is ever so slightly nuts :) -but I want to be as giving and open as she is. She is willing to do whatever she can for anyone she knows...even if she has not known them for a long time. I am a prime example of this...I was one of her theater students and she got to know me and I her and there came a time when I needed her and she was there for me-every time I needed her. God knows that happened very often through out high school. Whether it was simply needing someone to talk to or a place to go. She supported me in every endeavor and always told me how it was. I knew that when she told me I was overreacting I really was overreacting and I needed to step back and reassess. I knew when she told me that it was going to be okay that she was willing to do whatever she could to make it okay for me. I know that when she promised me that she and my family were always going to be there she was not lying and they will be. And I know today that when she says she loves me she really does.
I have never seen her not help someone in need. Never. She has the biggest heart of anyone I have ever known. She cares. She is compassionate. I strive to be as open minded, caring, giving, loving, and supportive as she is. She has taught me what it means to be all of those things and more. I am a better friend and person because of her. She has given me what self confidence I have, a hope for the future, strength, and has taught me that it is okay to be me.....most of all she has given me a family. Which is what I feel matters most. Without her compassionate heart, self-less nature, or determined attitude I would not be able to call myself a daughter, granddaughter, niece, sister, cousin, and eventually an aunt. All are things which I have desired to have since I was very young.
So I look up to the woman who has given me so much and for all intents and purposes is my Mom.
Around and around a wheel goes, following along its everlasting cycle on that endless path; a path which calls me as if it were meant for me, a song sung with the sweetest tunes which fall like rain from pregnant clouds above, round and round it touches again reaching for what will never come. They walk to the melody the wheel plays day and night, it leads them to the places they must go; they go because they know they should, they go for it is what is sung to them, they go never expecting more than before: an endless world ever focused upon what is yet to come. The wheel turns and turns, ever turning rarely stopping, continuing with little pause, it does not consider or wonder; for all who follow do so because it is what is sung to them, that sweet rain falls upon the faces of all, calling them along the path: all are blind to what passes beside them. The journey forward is rarely halted or stalled, only pushed forward with valor for they are called, when the clouds above are emptied of their tune the wheel is brought to an arrest: the people look about and are shocked, what is laid out before them is vast and beautiful, a new song to be listened to; a calm to be had and to be indulged, but all too soon the clouds open again and the wheel begins to turn. Some remember the new tune sung to them, they remember the beauty it possessed and the emotion invoked; yet as the wheel continues they fall back beside it and listen to its song, the tune falling from the once more pregnant clouds to the earth below, ever pushing it forward, pushing it to forget beauties song.
