Alec et Colton

Today's post is about my cousins Alec and Colton.  Alec is 4 months old and is currently in Stormont Vail in Topeka battling with pneumonia and RSV. He and his brother, Colton, have respiratory problems and both receive breathing treatments twice a day and both have been in the hospital this weekend. Alec went to the Burlington hospital on Friday and then was sent by ambulance to Topeka because Burlington did not have what was necessary to care for Alec. Late that night Colton was also brought to the Burlington hospital because he was having similar breathing problems. Colton fought a good fight and was released from the hospital yesterday. Alec is a bit sicker than Colton and is still in the hospital putting up his fight. The doctors say he is going to get worse before getting better but we all have hope that Alec will pull through as strongly and as well as Colton.

Alec William Stice

Please keep my cousin and my family in your prayers as Alec battles his pneumonia and RSV.

I love you, Alec.

Verum

Truth.

What is truth to you? Is it verifiable facts which can be located in a notable text? Is it something you can see and touch? Does it have to be verified by most if not all of the five senses? Is it something that most people agree on? I feel truth is something which each of us have to strive to find on our own and our truth has its own unique way of being real for us. Truth is in some ways very abstract and only we, as humans, can extract the essence of things in ways which make it true for ourselves. Whether we are debating the exact answer to an abstract problem, battling with divine power, the creation of the world, or simply how we feel-our truth is not the same as anyone else's. I derive my truth from how I feel and what makes most sense to me. I don't believe in God because it is the majority consensus or because I am afraid of going to Hell if I don't believe in Him. I believe in Him because I can feel it in my heart and believing is what is right for me. I don't simply accept the fact that 2 plus 2 equals 4 because someone said so, I accept it because I found my own truth in the statement. I verified it in my own manner and because of that I accept the fact and don't dispute it. Likewise, I find truth in my feelings because they are true to me. It does not matter what someone says I should feel or what they feel is right and that I am wrong in my feelings. My feelings may not be your truth but they are mine and mine alone. No matter how many times some disputes what I feel I will not change it based on the fact that I am disagreed with. Furthermore, when I am told that my truth is wrong it makes me want to refute what is said to me all the more. My heart and feelings hold my truth and this will never change.

The book in the picture for today holds a great truth for me. It is the book, 'The Giving Tree' by Shel Silverstein and within its pages I have found a golden actuality. The whole book is about how the tree gives all that she can to the little boy. The tree begins with simply giving the boy her leaves so he can make a crown for himself, then he swings from her branches and eats her apples, and eventually the boy takes all that he can and wants from the tree until the tree is just a stump.  He comes back to the tree when he is an old man and simply just needs a place to sit and the tree is very happy to provide that to him. The tree gave to the boy not because she had to or because that is what was expected--she found in her heart that she loved the boy and wanted to give all that she could to him. She did not gain anything except for the satisfaction of having helped the boy and she knew the boy was happy. This is all she wanted. Now, having said what the tree did I must say that the boy simply took everything he could. Right down to the stump he took everything, but he did not do this in a spiteful way or with just himself in mind. He provided for his family and was very thankful for what the tree gave him. He found his truth in a friend. A friend who never wavered in her friendship and love and loyalty to him. Until the very end they remained together and dependent on each other-for each of them had found truth in the other. I love this story because it reminds me of how very fortunate we all are for having what we have.

In addition to the story held within this book it also holds a personal letter to me from someone whom I respect and love greatly. The letter describes to me just how fortunate I am and it reminds me every day that my truth is still in fact My Truth. I know that no matter where I go nor how far I go I am "never far from people who love and care and support" me. That is my truth. I am loved, cared for, and supported and nothing can or will ever change that. I have my place and I am grateful for everyday which I have had with my family and look forward to all of the time ahead I have with them because I "will forever have a place in my family".

Find your Truth.

Meus Verum

Liber!!

Before I get to today's topic I need to say that today I had to get my truck "wenched?" (i think thats what the guy called it) out of an icy spot. I was getting in my truck to go get a new phone because I have grown tired of my old one and I wanted new one, so I was getting in my truck to go, started her up, and took the emergency brake off and began to slide rapidly down hill. *for those of you who do not know where I park (which is most of you) it is on a rather steep hill behind the university. It is on Louisiana street for those of you who know Lawrence* Now you may say "jessie you must be retarded" and I would say "yes....sometimes i don't think". The massive amounts of snow that Larryville has has been melting during the day and then refreezing at night...this has created HUGE sheets of ice all over town. It just so happens that my truck was sitting right on top of one. So it was sliding and i put the brake back on just in time to not hit the van right in front of me. I was literally 2 inches from hitting the damn thing. I could not get out of the spot i was in so I had to call a Tow company and get pulled out.....it cost $70. And I did not end up getting a phone. Damn!!! So ...yeah. Moral of the story...don't be a dummy like me! Park on a flat street!

So.....Books. I love books! When in doubt....I get a book. When I'm sad...I get a book. When i'm bored...i get a book. They are amazing! If you ever want to get me something...get me a good book or a gift certificate to a book store :)

When I was little I used books mainly as a coping mechanism...I way to get out of the Hell I called my life. I think that is one of the main reasons I am so attached to them still. But I have gained a greater respect for them since I was little. I respect the time and effort that went into writing these books. How long it took for the author to imagine the story and everyone in it, how to make it all work out, how to incorporate feeling that we all can relate to, and how to get it all down in a way that everyone else would know what you were thinking and feeling. Its amazing! I will dive head first into a good book and not come back out for a long time...if I could I would just sit and read all day long. Alas I can not do that for I have to do things called work, and class, and homework. Blarg....lol.

I love to be able to sit down with my book and forget the world for a little while. Forget my worries and problems. Forget about the drama of life, the constant hurdles, the tasks which are calling my name. I like to become the protagonist in my book and make their lives mine for a little while. I can go places in my books that, even if they are not real, i can feel they are real and I'm there doing what the characters are doing. Ah! I love it so! My personal favorites are fantasy novels that include dragons, elves, wizards, magic, castles, sword combat, tyrant kings, mystical mysteries, and languages the author made up. I am currently reading "Brisinger" by Christopher Paolini which is the 3rd installment of the Inheritance Cycle. It use to be a trilogy but now there is going to be a 4th book...idk when that happened. I LOVE THESE BOOKS! I get so wrapped up in it that I wish that it was all real and I could go jump into the fighting to save the races of Alagaesia.

Narnia

But I would have to say that my all time favorite is Harry Potter. Anyone who knows anything about me could have said that without much thought or having had to spend that much time with me. I just love everything about Harry Potter and that I wish more than any other book could be real. I love the characters and since I have been reading them since I was in Elementary school I have grown up with Harry by my side...It saddens me that his story has come to an end and the only thing I have left to anticipate is the final movie coming out this summer. I have gotten so wrapped up in Harry Potter that I dream of the Magical World he lives in, I use Harry Potter terminology on the daily basis, I have all of the books and many shirts and other items, and I have cried several times over them. Whether it be because a character died or simply because it was all over...lol. Some say I'm upsessed...i'm okay with that though.

 It makes me happy.
Books make me happy.

There are 6 books! Great!

Great Books!! Few of my favorite. Garth Nix is Great!

So pick up a book!!!! READ!!! It very well may make your world a little bit better :)

Somnus et Nutella!!

Nutella Thief!!!!

I have been working very diligently today to get as much accomplished as possible. I was able to go to class today, go to work and train the new house manger, Matthew, go to the book store and get the rest of my books, go tanning (where I burnt), then go to the Library where I was able to knock several assignments out and then come back to Watkins. Upon arriving back at the Hall I was I little tired and had time to sit an do nothing so I watched 'The Last Song' with Miley Cyrus in it. I am fond of that movie...actually I preferred the book to the movie which is typical because I LOVE to read...(I think i found tomorrows topic!). I am not the biggest fan of Miley and I don't think she was the best candidate to play the role of Ronnie but what do I know?!

Upon completing that movie I was able to go do my Phone Duty Shift and while doing so got a reading assignment out of the way. Dinner was eventful as always...our kitchen has the best conversations. Today was about a multitude of things but centered on the fact that someone keeps waking up Kaitlyn, one of my kitchen mates, at 5 A.M. by shaking her leg and then running off after she sits up....Who the hell does that?!?! I mean if you are going to wake someone up then okay but why do it in such a weird way and why do you do it without due cause? Why run away? Why keep doing it? WHY BE SUCH A CREEP?!  I have decided that the creeper doing that to Kaitlyn is also the Nutella Thief....story be hind that is last semester Nutella (which is a chocolaty hazelnut spread) was mysteriously disappearing out of peoples cupboards in their kitchens. Like a big spoonful here and there and then eventually I think jars started turning up missing. And along with that they were stealing peanut butter as well...once a half loaf of bread went missing too. One may think that this person is just hungry but I think not. There is emergency food here in the hall and anyone of us would be willing to give them food if they asked...not to mention they were taking 'sweets'. Not what a hungry person would take. Anyway, so now I think I will be paranoid about someone coming around to wake me up at 5 in the morning...if that happens and I'm asleep....God better have mercy on their souls. I don't sleep well enough as it is, I don't need some creepy Nutella thief waking me up in my 3 hours of slumber. So if you are reading this Mrs. Nutella Creeper......don't come near me...thanks!

Amo!

Today has been a rather long day with classes, walking to class, work, homework, and a bit of social time. One thing that I feel I must state before moving onto my topic for today is that text book prices are outrageous! I spent $448 dollars today for 3 classes and I still have my english class to buy for....and for which I still have $300 dollars worth of books to buy. Needless to say I am not going to buy all of those but nevertheless I will spend over $500 on books alone this semester. I recently found that a typical 3 hour class at KU costs nearly $850 dollars....oh my! No wonder everyone is in major debt when the get out of college! This folks is the only perk of having aged out of the Foster Care system, I don't pay for my schooling. But it still is outrageous and dumbfounds me.

Anyway, moving on, today's topic is amo, amor, or otherwise known as love. I am in an Anthropology class and one of my readings today was on the various ways to love and different ways to show it. For instance as we all are very much aware in the United States roses, diamonds, kisses, and gifts are everyday and average ways to show a person you love them. Whether they are your significant other, your children, sister, brother, grandparents, parents, etc. one will use one of these methods amongst others to show their affection for one another. On average on Valentines Day in the United States 189 million red roses are sold....thats alot of roses. The essay raised the question as to why this is so. Why does the rose or a diamond show love and adoration? Where did that come from and why do we adherer to it today? He says the basic reason for it is because of tradition and it is what we are accustomed too. Little girls see their Daddy's giving their Mommy's roses for Valentines day or an anniversary and because of this they expect it when they get older and men/boys/guys know this is what they want and so they conform to what is expected.

In the indigenous cultures we find that love is shown in acts of strength and loyalty. I think it is very odd how it changes from culture to culture...since the feeling is universal shouldn't the ways it is shown be universal? I know that deep in the jungle roses can not be given and in the US fighting off a lion is not an option either but shouldn't the basic act be similar? I'm not saying that it is bad or wrong but they are different and it just surprises me. Now having said that I'm not going to go wrestle with a boar to show my non-existent boyfriend that I adore him but I feel like maybe I will begin showing my affection in much the same way but maybe trying some different ways.

Happy Valentines Day!

Maybe for Valentines day I'll get everyone a cactus! :)

Sicillum Universitatis Kansiensis!

Jayhawk!

I have been back at school for just over a day and it has already been pretty eventful. I came back to find all of my belongings which I left over break out of their places and around my room. It was rather odd and I was not sure how to react to it. I then put most of it back into place and then went to Wal-mart to get some food and on my way back to Watkins I found that I could not get back onto campus the way I left because of the game last night...I finally got back to the house and brought my stuff in and got situated. I then spent some time catching up with some other Watkins ladies. I also attempted to set up the internet on my computer yesterday but it did not work which was very frustrating because I rely on the internet for alot when i'm at school. I went to bed and slept fitfully and I attribute that to being back and not sleeping on my couch :) It may surprise some to find that I don't sleep in my bed often. I use to sleep in it often but I just can't do it much anymore...So I sleep upstairs on my family's couch. I sleep very well most times!

University of Kansas....In Latin!

Today was the 150th birthday of the woman who funded the building of the lovely Watkins and Miller Scholarship house's and for this event a birthday party was planned for her. So I had to go buy an outfit for the event because I neglected to bring nice clothes back to School...even after looking at a dress hanging in my closet and saying "I really need to remember that". So I went to JC Penny and got something and went to Lizzie's party with the other Watkins Women. We were able to sit down and read parts of the "Watkins Handbook" from the 40's and I was surprised to find a variety of things in there which are not practiced any longer. Such as not being allowed to be in the livingroom wearing anything that "should not be worn in public" such as sleeping clothes. Others include the kitchens being closed and locked at 10:00 o'clock every night, being up by 7:00 a.m. Monday- Saturday and 8:00 on Sunday's, and the one that I am thankful does not exist  not being allowed to leave Watkins more that one weekend a month. I would not be a very happy camper if that was still the case. There were other odd rules that we all laughed at and could not believe were even rules but I did not take one of the booklets so I can not list any others.

My truck :)

So, tomorrow starts my Spring Semester of my Freshman year in College and I am very excited to get it underway. I don't do well without having things to do and I have a nasty habit of taking my time and over thinking and analyzing things. Which anyone of my close friends or family members can attest to. So it is best I don't have alot of free time on my hands. Which I will not this semester. I am busy and out of the house from 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. everyday either in class or at work. And in addition to that I will begin working late nights when my job starts requiring me to House Manage the various University Theatre shows. I just hope that I have enough time and energy to sit down and do the homework required for my classes and am able to keep up....I need to have good grades this semester....cuz I don't want my Mama to kick my butt! :)

Watkins Hall

Today's pictures I did take at the beginning of the Fall Semester. I hope you enjoyed today's post!

Luna

Today has been a rather uneventful day because my family has the Flu...its awesome! NOT! We are trying to purge our house of the sickness but I am not sure that we have done it in time for me to not get it. I am coughing and getting stuffed up and havin chills. So I guess if I am destined to have it I will and I will get over it I just don't want to bring it to my fellow Watkins Women when I get back to Lawrence. On that note I will also say that because of the weather and roads I have not made it back to Larryville and more than likely wont until this weekend. I hope to make it back by Saturday because prolonging my exit from Emporia will not make it any easier to leave.

Our Moon

Today's picture is of the moon this evening...it is a beautiful harvest moon and I felt deserved special note tonight. I love to just stare up at the night sky and wonder what is going on so far above and around me. I find it crazy that most of the light we see in the night sky has been traveling for hundreds of years....it makes me feel so small and makes me see just how big the world really is.

Domus!

It has been a few days since my last post and the reason for this is because I could not find something to write about which was worthy of a post. I would rather not post "i have nothing to say" and waste a perfectly good post and day so I have waited until I had something worthy to post. And so today the topic is "home".

I use to feel that Home was the house where my family was or where I felt safest and happiest. This is true to an extent but more than just that my Home is my Family. Without them there is no home. While I have lived in many places, many states, and with many people nothing has ever come close to the feeling I have with my family and while I have only lived one place with my family I know that if we move I will still feel the same. The feelings of happiness, contentment, being safe and loved is not held in whatever house we happen to live in but it resides within us as a family.

It is now time for my Christmas/Winter break to come to an end and I am filled with an overwhelming sense of sadness which no matter how I try nor how many times I am told it will be okay the feeling does not subside. I have to leave my hometown of Emporia and travel the 80 some miles north east to Lawrence where I go to school at the University of Kansas. I have a great job, stimulating classes, enjoyable company, and plenty to do but I still do not feel the desire or want to go back. Every time it comes time for me to pack up some clothes and other essential to go back I get the same feeling of dread. I know that my family will still be here for me, I know my house will still be here as well as my dog, friends, and the other comforts this town holds for me but none of that eases my panic. I wish I could tell you why this happens and tell you what I do to fix it but I have no answers except for I am either dramatic or simply overly homesick.

So what I have to say to you is to embrace the time you have with your family in your home. It is home where you will want to be when you finally "get away". Maybe not to the extent in which I want to be there but a similar feeling will wash over you. I love my home. I love my family. Embrace your family because they are most important. Some people envision their Heavens with beautiful cars, women, or lots of their favorite things. Some envision it with golden gates and clouds high in the sky. I envision mine in my home :)

Bona!

Today was an excellent day! I was able to sleep in....until 9:30 at which time I was woken up by a phone call from my little sister who was calling to wish me a great morning and a good day. I then ate a brownie and milk for breakfast and went back to sleep. This afternoon I went to Topeka with my Mom and her "Italy Crew" Laura and Tara (sorry if i misspelt it!) where we were able to do some shopping and go to dinner. It was awesome fun and I enjoyed the time with my Mom.

After yesterday's craziness with my friend and my explosion I decided that I feel I need to become a Probation Officer so to stop stupid stuff from happening to other kids who get caught up in the system. My new major is going to be Sociology with a focus on Delinquent studies. I hope that if this is what I do end up doing I can do some good for the system and for some kids. I mean I know that if they have PO's they have done something which requires them to serve time and to be wrapped up in the judicial system but they still deserve respect from others and I hope that I can maybe help insure that they get it. At least if I am a PO they will get it from me if no one else and at least they have one person behind them urging them to make good decisions and do what is right. I know that having that one person behind you can work wonders for someone....So maybe this is how I can pay it forward.

Pay It Forward

Bardus!

I am having a rough time today with people being mean....A friend of mine is locked up and serving time for something that he does need to serve time for but the way everyone is treating him is unacceptable. He is being treated less than everyone else and like his thoughts and feelings do not matter. No matter how badly someone messes up or how many mistakes they make they still deserve the basic respect all humans deserve.

Respect

The mistake does not define who you are....what defines you is how you respond to the mistake and how you decide to handle the consequences. My friend has been very respectful and has taken the consequences without complaint. Sadly this is not being used to his advantage and the judicial system is still treating him like someone not worth their time and effort. NOT OK! He is still a person who has feelings and deserves respect. Don't be mean to others and quit passing judgment on them based on why they are in trouble. Look at who they really are.

Optimus Amicus

Everyone has friends, friends they have had since they were little kids, ones since middle school, crib mates, best friends. I have had my fair share of friends and without them I would be a lost soul. For a long time my friends were my family and they were the first family I had. So today my post is to say thank you to all of my friends. Ones I've had since I moved to Kansas like Carrie Hurlocker and Delano Mendoza to ones I met in theater like Ashley Glover, Lydia Roemer, Kate Haberkorn, Tarah Pearson, Sydney Main, etc. You all are amazing friends and I am so happy to have you in my life.

And I would like to give a shout out to my bestie Jenna Peters or Geena as my sister use to call her :) She has been the best friend anyone can ask for, always by my side and there for me when I need her. She is someone who even tho I am dramatic and a baby at times will be there through and through. I can tell her anything and know that it is safe with her. So thank you Lovedoodle, you're the best. Love ya!!! :)

 <----- Miss Jenna Peters

 Miss Ashely Glover ------->

<------Theatre Kiddo's

 Miss Carrie Hurlocker ----------->

<-------Delano Mendoza

Familia

Family. What does that mean to you? The people you live with? The people who you share genetics with? The people who will be there to bail you out of trouble?

Different people define their family by different standards and guidelines. Some use the guidelines that I listed above: genetics, who you live with, or those who will get you out of trouble....I on the other hand use different guidelines.

For most of my life my family was non-existent and my life was turbulent and depended heavily on the "tough" stuff that I was made of. Rarely was I able to sit back and enjoy a carefree existence with those who surrounded me.  It took me until I was 14 to meet the woman I now call my Mom.At the time I was living in a foster care placement with a foster family who was not very loving and did not care very much about me and my needs. I moved in with that family when I was 11 years old in the hope that I had finally found what I needed and what I felt I was cheated out of. Alas moving into that house was not what I was destined to have...it was a means of finding what I was to have. I went through a semester of 6th grade all of 7th and 8th grades and then entered high school and met my Mom. She was the Theatre Directer at the high school and when I first met her I though she was nuts! She would not sit still for more than 5 seconds and was constantly barking instructions at the various theatre kids in her room and to her seminar kids. I was very intimidated and to be honest I was not sure I was going to hang around.

The department was in the middle of their annual Dinner Theater and I was given the opportunity to have a small role in the play (Reunion at Homicide High) and was put in charge of clean up in the kitchen....after that I guess you can say I was hooked. I jumped in head first into the crazy world of being a theatre kid and I can say that thus far it was the time of my life. I help out with every show there after and was given head crew positions and even a couple acting roles (Friar Tuck in 'The Hood of Sherwood' and Jen in 'dont u luv me?'). Over the years I slowly got to know the director Amanda Vannocker, I met various members of her family and her then fiance, I was around when she married her fiance Jacob Stice and she became Amanda Stice, and I was there when the had their daughter Lillian Ryan. Many things had to go just right and in a particular way for us all to fall into the roles we now have but everything fell into place and when I turned 18 last May I was able to move in with Jacob, Amanda, and Lilli and call their home my home and their families my family.

Now as I have showed in this anecdote my family and I are not the traditional kind of family but what matters is that we love each other and have strong relationships with each other. I may not share any genetic codes with them or have the same blood type, nor did I grow up with them teaching me the ways of the world but I feel that while those are things I sometimes wish I had what we do have is much more important. Love is what makes my family. Love is what holds us together. It is what gives me reassurance when I am afraid or when I freak out. We are a happy family who enjoys time with one another no matter how we all came to be together. I love them all more than the world. There is nothing that I would not do for any of them. So today's picture is our picture, my parents, my sister and me. :) I love you.

Meus familia. Now and Forever.

Soror

Today was a good day for my family and I. The Emporia school district closed school due to cold temperatures so my Mom and my Dad did not have to go to work and we all stayed home today. We did not do anything that would be counted as special but it was awesome to just spend a lazy day with my family. Today's picture is of my little sister Lilli. The picture was taken last night before it got dark but I think we can count it as having been taken today. :)


Lilli is 2 so this was the first snow that she was able to actually want to go out and "play" in it so last night I took her out in it and we made snowballs and she made several snow angels after I showed her how. It was pretty cold out and it was still snowing so we were not out for very long but she was able to get a good first encounter with the white stuff. I think she had fun. :-)

Nix!

Today has turned into a very cold and wet day! We have had about 4 inches of snow fall on our Lovely town of Emporia Kansas and it has everyone in a sleepy mood. I want to curl up and watch movies and drink some hot chocolate!

I enjoy the snow for a short time while it is actually falling and while I am still interested in getting some good pictures of it...after that I am ready for it all to go away without having to deal with the icy roads and slushy streets. This however is not an option and I will cope with the white stuff while it is here. So because of the lovely weather today I was able to go outside and take some time to photograph this lovely winter wonderland.

Stella

Wintry Flower

A Cardinal with a Mohawk

The first picture today is of my puppy Stella. My family and I got Stella this past June as a small puppy from her first home which was a dump-for a lack of a better word. We went to go pick out our dog so my sister and I could have our choice of the 4 or 5 puppies of the liter. *as a side note getting Stella was a total surprise which my parents conjured up. I had badgered for a couple months about wanting a dog and on father's day they surprised us with Stella* When we showed up at this house it was hot and muggy -rather uncomfortable to be outside. We followed Stella's previous owner around back of her house to find the dogs in kennel's, in a run, or tied to PVC pipes stuck in the ground. The dogs did not have water, shade, or food. It was so sad. It took my sister and I a short time to narrow it down to the two dogs on PVC pipes and my sister decided between the two. We took Stella home that day even though we originally were just picking that day. We could not leave her there in those conditions. She could not even walk to our car! Now she is a happy and sassy dog who was terrified of the falling snow last night!

Pictures 2 and 3 were taken  in my neighbors yard! I just thought they were cool! Hope you enjoyed my anecdote!

Salvete!

I was inspired by a friend of mine to start my own blog....I guess the purpose of this blog is to simple say whatever comes to mind and see what comes of it. I would like to post something daily...having said that I'm not sure it will happen because the semester is getting ready to being once again and I should have less time on my hands....should. Alas, I am not sure how much time classes, homework, work, and socializing will take this semester. We will find out :)

My friend adds a picture a day to her blog...pictures she has taken...I am going to do the same I think but they will not always be picture I have taken. I think I will use a picture which I see, have, find, take which I think I want to share...so for today I have selected a picture of myself. This picture was taken of me about a year and a half ago but still is a good representation of what I look like. :)